Words of Freedom
Why women feel powerless to leave in an abusive relationship ...
Questioning My Defense
What did I do so terribly wrong?
Causing forever this sad song?
I depended upon...
One who cheated and lied,
As in turmoil I did decide,
Making that one fateful call;
Asking the father to help is all.
Unemployed and without a car.
Covering expenses far from par.
I could not afford child care.
Nor find employment anywhere.
Though my skills were plenty,
This was not meant to be.
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
My only options were,
Choice not preferred.
Was to get food stamps, welfare;
or call a father who should care.
He threatened, he coerced.
Convincing me of the worst.
That if I did not commit and sign,
Custody over to him at this time;
Eliminate the money he must pay--
Taken by court orders and say-
He could, that us he would leave,
Homeless, hungry in the street.
My memories reminded me-
As in a rage he maniacally!
Cut me up with my own keys!
My arms and face, self-righteously.
So that I would accept,
His opinion though inept.
My spiritual thoughts and place,
Were diabolical to the human race.
For He had...
His God Given Right;
To beat me as his wife.
Possessed by hells demons was I,
My Goddess evil; said he and why.
I survived his fury of hate,
But then sealed my own fate.
I defended my path,
Defying his wrath.
With sane logic and good reason,
Explaining that the very season.
Was the Wheel of Life!
Not his want of strife.
Three years later to the day;
He took my children away.
Promising he would return,
Instead; he began the burn.
Calling me evil witch!
Devil and whore and bitch!
Derogatory towards me;
Always in front of my babies.
Then in the courts of this land;
With a lawyer helping this man...
He then perjured – he lied.
Then I heard the Judge decide,
My constitutional right;
Was for him to me deny...
The time to seek,
My own attorney.
They began to proceed,
Pretend not to hear me.
Ask, beg, plead and demand,
That I too have council at hand.
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
Knowing that justice would not be served
that only his side would the Judge observe
Taking from me what is only mine
Not allowing me to speak my mind
I Panicked –
Later that night;
I took to flight.
My children with me,
No hope nor money.
2000 miles to arrive-
At our destination alive.
Three beautiful months,
Was all we had...
As together we loved,
Played and laughed!
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
The day did come of course,
That we were found and forced;
Returning to this 'City of Ice'-
We continue to pay the price.
For now the law sees,
his God given right.
To abuse; defeat-
His now ex-wife.
For a year and 21 days now;
We have not been allowed,
To visit or see one another-
Our bond they mean to sever.
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
For him I dared to defy,
Let him know how and why.
To defend my constitutional right,
Mine at birth and live through the night.
To practice and to believe,
In mine own spirituality.
My children mine to raise;
And their love mine to lay,
Upon my spirit for my heart...
In my soul; end and start.
Completing their survival skills.
Which he now lacks as he wills.
ABC's
and
1-2-3's
This is my only defense
but does it make sense?
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
Questioning My Defense
What did I do so terribly wrong?
Causing forever this sad song?
I depended upon...
One who cheated and lied,
As in turmoil I did decide,
Making that one fateful call;
Asking the father to help is all.
Unemployed and without a car.
Covering expenses far from par.
I could not afford child care.
Nor find employment anywhere.
Though my skills were plenty,
This was not meant to be.
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
My only options were,
Choice not preferred.
Was to get food stamps, welfare;
or call a father who should care.
He threatened, he coerced.
Convincing me of the worst.
That if I did not commit and sign,
Custody over to him at this time;
Eliminate the money he must pay--
Taken by court orders and say-
He could, that us he would leave,
Homeless, hungry in the street.
My memories reminded me-
As in a rage he maniacally!
Cut me up with my own keys!
My arms and face, self-righteously.
So that I would accept,
His opinion though inept.
My spiritual thoughts and place,
Were diabolical to the human race.
For He had...
His God Given Right;
To beat me as his wife.
Possessed by hells demons was I,
My Goddess evil; said he and why.
I survived his fury of hate,
But then sealed my own fate.
I defended my path,
Defying his wrath.
With sane logic and good reason,
Explaining that the very season.
Was the Wheel of Life!
Not his want of strife.
Three years later to the day;
He took my children away.
Promising he would return,
Instead; he began the burn.
Calling me evil witch!
Devil and whore and bitch!
Derogatory towards me;
Always in front of my babies.
Then in the courts of this land;
With a lawyer helping this man...
He then perjured – he lied.
Then I heard the Judge decide,
My constitutional right;
Was for him to me deny...
The time to seek,
My own attorney.
They began to proceed,
Pretend not to hear me.
Ask, beg, plead and demand,
That I too have council at hand.
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
Knowing that justice would not be served
that only his side would the Judge observe
Taking from me what is only mine
Not allowing me to speak my mind
I Panicked –
Later that night;
I took to flight.
My children with me,
No hope nor money.
2000 miles to arrive-
At our destination alive.
Three beautiful months,
Was all we had...
As together we loved,
Played and laughed!
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
The day did come of course,
That we were found and forced;
Returning to this 'City of Ice'-
We continue to pay the price.
For now the law sees,
his God given right.
To abuse; defeat-
His now ex-wife.
For a year and 21 days now;
We have not been allowed,
To visit or see one another-
Our bond they mean to sever.
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
For him I dared to defy,
Let him know how and why.
To defend my constitutional right,
Mine at birth and live through the night.
To practice and to believe,
In mine own spirituality.
My children mine to raise;
And their love mine to lay,
Upon my spirit for my heart...
In my soul; end and start.
Completing their survival skills.
Which he now lacks as he wills.
ABC's
and
1-2-3's
This is my only defense
but does it make sense?
This is what I did so wrong,
To feel despair for so long...
Questioning My Defense
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Edward S. Gault on -
You really make the reader feel the desperation-Great Work!
-
Permalink Reply by DragonBlue on -
thank you. If only it were not a true story.
-
Permalink Reply by Edward S. Gault on
-
Given what our legal system is theses days, I don't doubt it.
So much legal training, yet so little wisdom.
To have endured so much and survived it all, you must be one of the strongest people
I've met. I know it can't be easy.
As a poet You have the last word.
Please keep on writing because your voice is so important!
-
Permalink Reply by DragonBlue on
-
Thank you for your encouragement. If it were not surviving my nightmare of a childhood, I would not be able to deal with what I have had to endure with my custody battle. A cruel irony of a blessing in disguise I guess.
-
Permalink Reply by Megan on -
If I can dig it up... I am going to post something I wrote a few years ago in your honor tonight.
-
Permalink Reply by DragonBlue on
-
thank you.
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